The Lion's Daughter
by AxCfangirl
Summary: She is not alone. That's what her father said. That's what Cagalli wants to believe. However, keeping the fire of hope burning is far from easy in the midst of a storm; standing firm is almost impossible when the ground is shaking. AC
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** : I decided to split this fic into two pages after all. But it's still a one-shot fic.

···

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

And for your information, my fic is based on the remastered version (but I watched the original version, too).

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **The Lion's Daughter**

* * *

"Your heart is in the right place, Cagalli, but there are many things you don't see or understand." Her father shook his head. "You are still very young."

"Don't treat me like a child!" she shouted, fuming.

"But you _are_ a child. You don't know the world and you make things too simple. Also, you should think more carefully before you act. It was very thoughtless of you to go to Heliopolis alone and without telling anyone where you were going. If you want to be treated as an adult, you should behave more like one. You need to learn how—"

"Then, why don't you let me learn of the truth?!" She gritted her teeth, staring angrily—almost desperately—at him. "Did you or did you not know what was going on in Heliopolis?"

When she had heard the rumor about the mobile suits and suggested to him to make an investigation, he had dismissed it. And the consequence was the horrible thing that had happened to the colony, exactly what she had been worried about.

Even worse, he might not have been just negligent, but intentionally looking the other way, or even taking part in the unethical act.

"It doesn't matter if I knew," he firmly repeated what he had said a short time ago.

"But it does!" She threw her hands in the air with frustration.

She couldn't help but think the reason he didn't clearly answer her question was that he was in fact guilty. He had known those mobile suits were being manufactured. He might be the one who had ordered to help the Earth Alliance even, breaking Orb's principle to stay out of another country's conflicts.

She had thought her father was an honest person who honored Orb's principles and upheld the family legacy, a person who deserved the respectful nickname of the Lion of Orb. However, he had been lying and doing wrong. He had been and still was keeping secrets from his people. From her.

She felt he had betrayed everything she believed, everything he had taught her. He had betrayed her. And he didn't even try to explain himself to her.

"How could you?! I trusted you! Everyone trusted you!" She was so angry that her chest was hurting and her eyes were rimmed with tears. "ZAFT attacked Heliopolis because of those mobile suits. They even destroyed the colony. All the residents had to escape, and those still missing probably died! Orb citizens! Our people! You were supposed to protect them!"

He calmly looked back at her with a solemn face, unfazed by her burst of emotions. "I know, and that is what I'm doing. What we are doing. Even if you don't believe me or agree with our ways."

He sounded sincere and she desperately wanted to believe him. But how could she when he wasn't even trying to be honest with her?

She stared hard into his placid eyes, trying to read him, which was far from easy. Her father was quite good at masking his feelings.

A sound of knocking on the door broke the silence. Receiving her father's permission to come in, one of his aides opened the door and apologetically looked into the room. He nodded at the woman. "I'm coming."

"We're not done yet, Father!"

"We will talk later, when I get home. And after you have cooled down."

With that, he left his office, and for several moments, she remained standing there, breathing hard and clenching her fists.

Then, she bolted out of the room. Her father was already far down the corridor, but still in her sight.

She drew in a long breath to yell at his back, "I'm disappointed in you!"

Without seeing his response, she forcefully turned around and started to run, ignoring the stares of some people standing in the corridor or poking their heads out from the doors.

If her father dismissed her like that, not taking her seriously, then fine, she would deal with this on her own terms, the way that satisfied her. _T_ _he dark hell with what he_ _'_ _ll say_ _._

She was going to prove to him that she wasn't a child anymore.

···

Folding her arms in front of her chest, she declared, "I'm not going home."

She had thought she had successfully sneaked out of her home without getting caught, only to find Kisaka waiting for her outside the secret passage.

Her bodyguard of years replied in a tone that was completely unaffected by her glare, "Do you have a plan on where you're going?"

She was taken aback. "Um..."

The only thing she had been thinking about was that she was going to see what was happening in the world with her own eyes. She didn't have a detailed plan beyond passing through a departure gate of a port with a fake ID.

He exhaled rather exaggeratedly. Her glare grew ferocious, though somewhat defensive.

"Well, since you don't seem to have a place you want to head for immediately, I hope you won't mind if we visit my hometown first."

She blinked. "Your hometown?"

"Yes. It's in the North Africa. ZAFT took control over the area and I've wanted to see how things are going there. It seems like a good opportunity."

"Oh..." Her face turned sympathetic. "Sure. We can go there."

He nodded with a faint smile on his lips, and turned around, motioning her to follow him, which she did.

She didn't like a bodyguard trailing her—or guiding her, in the case of right now—even though she was accustomed to it and she liked Kisaka. She preferred to be free and independent. She had had some military training and could take care of herself just fine.

Still, a part of her was relieved she had a traveling companion. She had never been outside Orb by herself, except for her trip to Heliopolis which probably shouldn't count since the colony was still Orb's territory even though it was in space. If she was honest with herself, she had been feeling a little lonely at the prospect of being completely on her own, which she was hardly used to.

Not that she was going to tell Kisaka so. It would possibly make her look like a child and cause him to change his mind and take her back to her home. She knew he could easily do it if he wanted to. He was the one who had taught her how to fight or escape from danger, after all.

Well, it didn't mean she wouldn't fight or make another attempt. But the less trouble, the better. Besides, as long as he didn't stop her from doing what she wanted to, she didn't have much problem with his company.

She was also curious about his hometown, the place where the man who was a kind of big brother to her had spent his childhood. It was far from Orb and she had never been to the area. It seemed like a good place to go, considering her purpose.

Not to mention she didn't want to rob him of an opportunity to return to his childhood home. She knew he had already lost his family, but he must have some friends there and be worried about them.

Their trip to the town went smoothly despite the Earth Forces and ZAFT battling here and there. Kisaka was good at finding a relatively safe route and getting them out of trouble, whether by negotiation or by force. Their abundance of funds—or more like hers—was also useful.

Their stay in the town wasn't planned to be long. However, they found out about a resistance group fighting against ZAFT, whose leader was Kisaka's old friend. Touched by their spirit, she offered to help them.

The leader was actually an acquaintance of her father as well, and therefore figured out her true identity. He was hesitant to allow her to join them. But she insisted, and Kisaka backed her, saying it would be fine because he wouldn't let anything happen to her. The leader accepted her offer eventually.

It felt a little odd to her that Kisaka let her engage in fighting so willingly. She had expected an objection from him as well. She soon dismissed the feeling, though. This was about his hometown and he probably wanted to do something, too.

She quickly adjusted to the new surroundings. Even though she was the only one who wasn't from the area in the group, the members didn't show much reluctance to accept Kisaka and her. There were some members around her age, so her being young wasn't a problem, either. Nor her being the only female combatant. Some of the members even commented she didn't seem much like a girl, which resulted in several quarrels; the incidents actually made them friendlier to her.

What mattered to them most was the will to fight and defend what was important to you, which she liked. They were blunt, enthusiastic, and resolute; she liked them, too.

Warming up to her, some of them started to call her their Goddess of Victory. Sometimes jokingly, sometimes admiringly, sometimes teasingly, sometimes appreciatively. Although she preferred to be called by her own name, she didn't mind the nickname much. She was used to being called by one, and this one sounded better than Princess. Not to mention they didn't use the nickname to pretend they respected her unlike many people who called her Princess. She liked fighting together with them, the life here.

After all, she had always liked her training in the military and been good at it. The knowledge and skills she had acquired from those experiences were useful in battles with ZAFT and appreciated by her comrades along with Kisaka's. In Orb, she even spent much of her free time in military facilities or those of the Morgenrote, the state-owned and largest weapons manufacturing company in the country. Although Myrna, her nanny and caretaker, wasn't pleased with it, her father let her do what she liked. It was, after all, a part of her duties to become familiar with military affairs.

Remembering her father, she pursed her lips. The leader of their group in fact reminded her of her father sometimes, and she couldn't help but wonder why her father couldn't do more like Saib, like those resistance fighters.

They were fighting for their homeland against the ZAFT soldiers who had invaded the area, fighting for what they believed in. And that was how it should be, right? That was how you should use your power, especially if you had duty to use it. You should stand up and fight instead of trying to avoid taking a clear stance and sneakily playing both sides of the field like Orb was doing, like her father was doing.

Well, even if her father was a coward, it didn't mean she also had to, or would. She wouldn't be like her father. She would fight bravely and actually help and protect the people suffering due to the war, defend them from the enemy, while he was just sitting around and saving his own skin.

She was going to show him that there was another way. That there were people who could do what he had failed to do. That some people could actually defend and follow their principles. That she could do what he wouldn't do. That she was different from him.

* * *

:

* * *

Hearing her name being called, she lifted her face which had been buried against her knees, and turned around to find her father walking toward her in large steps. As she shakily got on her feet, he reached her and knelt down so that his face was level with hers.

"I'm sorry I couldn't come home earlier." With a concerned face, he placed his hand on her head. The familiar touch and weight brought fresh tears to her already swollen eyes. She threw her arms around his neck fiercely and pushed her tear-stained face hard into his shoulder.

Sitting down on the ground with her on his lap and rocking her, he patted her small trembling body. "There, there. It's all right. There, there. Father's here now," he softly whispered into her ear, which made her cry harder but feel better.

She wasn't sure how long it took, but eventually her tears calmed down.

As she tried to get rid of hiccups, her father pulled out a handkerchief to wipe her face clean. He went on to motion toward someone, and a maid soundlessly appeared from nowhere to put a tray with a glass of orange juice on the ground, turning worried eyes on her. Cagalli averted her face, feeling a little embarrassed that she had cried like a baby, though it wasn't rare for her and the servants were well used to it.

The maid left as quietly as she had come without a word, leaving the father and daughter alone.

"Here. Drink it," her father prompted, handing the glass to her.

Suddenly realizing she was thirsty, she drank the juice all in one go.

"Do you want another glass?"

She shook her head, put back the empty glass on the tray, and leaned back against his chest.

The sun was going down, the world awash in yellow and orange. She stared at the big, round stone in front of her which was gleaming dully in the twilight. She had found the stone in a corner of the garden and had it placed there. She had also collected a lot of flowers from around the garden to lay in front of the stone; Myrna had used some of them and made a small wreath.

"I miss Leo," she said, her eyes fixed on the grave of her cat that had just died yesterday. She felt like crying again.

It was somewhat easier for her to deal with the loss now that her father was by her side, who had been in a foreign country for the past several days and not been able to come home until now. But it didn't mean the pain was gone.

"I know it's hard. Leo was like a brother to you," he replied in a soothing voice.

The cat had had orange hair and yellow eyes, resembling hers in color; she had liked to say he was her brother. She had known him for her whole life and he had been her favorite playmate.

Most of the children from the other noble families or of the girls she was made to meet as playmates didn't like to do things she liked, whether playing with mud or climbing a tree or jumping down from the window. Although many of them were nice, they weren't exactly fun to play with.

The cat, as adventurous as she was, had usually been the only one that could keep up with her, or even the only one that was willing to, until he had gotten a disease which eventually killed him. Not to mention Leo had never insulted her or tried to stop her from her adventures.

"I wish Leo had been my real brother and human. Humans live longer than cats, right?"

Her father was silent for a while before quietly asking, "Do you want a brother?"

She blinked. "I don't know." She had been thinking mostly about Leo rather than about having a brother.

She considered the idea. "I think it's nice to have someone—a human—I can always play with. He can do more things with me than Leo. And I'm sure my brother'd be brave. A lot braver than those rude wimps...cowards." She corrected her words since her father had raised his eyebrows.

He still pinched her cheek, though very lightly, and she pouted. It wasn't fair she couldn't call the wimps, who insulted her and chickened out on her challenges, what they were.

She wasn't in the mood to argue with him, though. She just bumped her head on his chest partly because she wanted to make it clear she had complaints and partly because she just felt like it. Her father's large hand squeezed her shoulder securely, and she went on to cling more closely to him.

Something came to her mind, and she said it out loud. "I wonder if I had a brother if Mother hadn't died early."

Her father didn't respond, which she didn't mind.

They stayed silent for several minutes until she asked, "Do you still miss her?"

She didn't remember her mother since her mother had died when she was a baby. Myrna was more of a mother to her than the mother she saw only in photographs and videos; she had hardly cared about or talked about her mother before. But she suddenly felt curious.

"I do," her father answered in a quiet voice.

After thinking about his answer for a minute, she asked again, "Did you cry when she died?"

"Yes, I did. It's very painful to lose someone you love."

"Yeah...I don't think I'll ever be fine." She sniffled, her thoughts back to Leo.

A gust of wind blew some jasmine flowers off a small tree behind the grave, causing them to fall on the stone. The sight reminded her of the times she and Leo had played with the white blossoms, picking them from the tree and throwing them in the air and pretending it was snow she had never actually seen, rested under the tree afterward, covered with the petals and leaves, then got scolded together.

The whiteness pricked her eyes and chest as she stared at the star-like flowers. She held onto her father's warm body.

"You will, Cagalli. I promise," he said with tenderness.

"Really? But how? How did you become fine after Mother's death?" She looked up at him with wide, tearful eyes.

"I had you." He gazed at her with loving eyes. "My family and friends were also there for me throughout the tough time." He cupped her cheek with his hand, his other arm around her shoulders. "And you have me. Myrna and the others, too. You are not alone. So you will be fine."

Blanketed in her father's warmth and love, she could believe it was absolutely true, and nodded.

She gazed back at his face some more, then said, "And you have me, Father." She had felt like saying it for some reason.

He softened his eyes and gently kissed her hair. "I know." Satisfied, she snuggled against him.

"Probably Leo's with her now," she suggested. She had heard Leo had originally been her mother's cat.

"Probably," he agreed.

A thought occurred to her, which pulled her eyebrows into a worried frown. "Do you think he's still suffering because of that disease?"

"No, he is free from all pain now. He is probably running around quite energetically as he used to and giving your mother a hard time. Or he may be helping her watch over us and protect us."

Hearing her father's reassuring voice, she let out a sigh of relief.

Relieved of worries, she started to feel tired and sleepy. But she struggled to stay awake. She wanted to spend more time with her father who was always busy.

He seemed to notice her state, though, and stood up with her in his arms. "You should go to bed."

"Don't want to," she mumbled, rubbing her eyes and trying to keep her eyelids, which felt too heavy, open.

"Just take a nap. Then we'll have dinner together."

"You don't have work?"

"Well, I can't leave a crying child alone, can I?"

"I'm not...crying...anymore," she protested, releasing yawns and clutching his shoulder tightly, her eyes nearly closed.

She could hear he was smiling as he said, "Even so, I'll be with you until you are asleep and when you wake up."

"You can nap with me if you're tired, too," she offered, hoping it would make him stay even while she was sleeping. He just chuckled.

He took her to her room, laid her on her bed, and tucked her in. His warm hand brushed her damp hair away from her cheeks and rested over one of her hands on her chest, holding it protectively.

"Sleep well, my dear."

Holding back his hand and drifting to sleep, she felt everything would be all right. Although there were still pain and sadness in her heart, she was going to be fine as her father had said.

* * *

She was almost feeling her father's hand was still on her head, reassuring and comforting her as always.

But it was just her imagination. His hand wasn't there. He wasn't here. He was gone. The touch of his hand was forever lost. The large, firm hand. The warm, loving hand. The hand that had always made her feel safe.

Another wave of grief, agony, and tears attacked her. She had never felt this much of pain. Her entire body, not just her heart, was being ripped apart repeatedly. Flames were scorching her flesh. The flames that were forever branded on her memory. The flames that had burned her father and taken him away from her.

Her father, who had been the core of her world, like the firm ground which she could always rely on to support her, which allowed her to run around freely and safely without a care in the universe.

She had always known he would be there for her no matter what happened between them. Even when she was angry at him or rebelled against him, no matter how much she argued with him or insulted him, she had never doubted that he would help and protect her when she needed it. That she would always have a place in his heart, a place which would provide her with care and comfort. That she always had a home to go back to. That his love for her would always be unchanged.

Now, however, it was gone.

A shiver ran through her body. She was beginning to feel cold instead of the searing pain, as if all warmth was lost from her world. Maybe this darkness pulling her down further and further had been the source of her pain from the beginning, so freezing that it had felt burning hot. She was sinking deep into the ice-cold despair.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she vigorously shook her head in an attempt to shake off the devastating feeling of loneliness.

She wasn't alone even though her father had died. She still had the people who were more or less family to her, like Myrna and Kisaka, and her friends. It wasn't like she had lost everyone. Her father himself had said so. He had said...

 _"—_ _you won_ _'_ _t be alone. And you have a brother, too_ _."_

At the words echoing in her head, she opened her eyes to stare into space, not really aware of her teardrops floating around.

Tentatively, she pulled out a photograph from a pocket. The photograph her father had given to her at their last moment together.

Was it true this brown-haired baby was Kira and he was her...brother? But who was this woman? From the photograph, the woman seemed like the mother of the babies—of the blonde infant who was seemingly her baby self. But if this woman was her mother, then who was the woman that she had believed was her mother all these years? Did it mean her mother—her father's late wife—wasn't her real mother? Then, what about her father? Who was her father? Who was he? Who was _she_?

Did it mean...did it mean her father wasn't really her father? If so, what did it make her? What did it make him? What did it make them?

She felt as if she had been cut off from everything and deserted in a strange place, a dark space where she was helplessly floating, unable to find anything firm to stand on, to hold onto. Everything seemed to have been lost. Along with her father. Along with the peaceful Orb. Along with the peaceful life of hers.

She felt like denying everything her father had said. She didn't want to believe it. And yet, she desperately wanted to believe his words were true.

She was so confused and torn between feelings that she was scared to see Kira, unsure of what she should do, unsure of what he was to her now. It felt everything had changed between them. It felt everything had changed. Everything in her world. Everything in her life.

But Kira came into her room anyway, and he didn't appear any different. He looked just the same as before, like the same boy she had met and befriended. He was still the Kira she knew, the boy who had been fighting together with her, and he was looking at her with caring eyes.

Tears of relief flowed out of her eyes, and she threw herself against him.

As their bodies drifted into the air, he securely held her, his hand stroking her hair, as if supporting her so that she wouldn't be completely swallowed down by sorrow. His warmth felt familiar and safe, and brought more tears to her eyes.

When the tears finally left her, she felt better and strong enough to join the discussion on their future plan, though there was something still bugging her. Something she couldn't just forget or ignore.

Back to her room after the meeting, she pressed her hand against the pocket where she had hidden the photograph. The photograph—the secret felt heavy. She didn't want to keep it by herself. She wanted to talk about it with someone. After all, it wouldn't change anything if she just kept fretting over it on her own. It would just make her head like a hamster.

There was also an urge to find the answer, find out the truth. She didn't like this feeling of uncertainty, though she also had a hesitation to find out who she really was. She wasn't sure she was ready to face it, which was why she had hidden the photograph from Kira once. From the boy who might be related to her.

"My brother," she quietly said, trying to encourage herself.

It wasn't a bad thing if it was true she had a brother, right? When little—after Leo's death—she had occasionally thought about what it would be like if she had not been the only child. Sometimes she had made up an imaginary little brother; sometimes an imaginary little sister. Although she had lost interest in it long ago as Kisaka and her other friends came into her life, it was still her childhood fantasy, and it might be coming true.

And it wasn't just somebody. It was Kira. He was a good person. Kind, brave, emotional, caring, and honest, though odd. She had always liked him, and now they might be able to become more than friends.

The idea felt heartening, and appealing. The memory of his warm comfort came back to her and encouraged her further. The void in her heart started to be filled with something like...hope.

She felt as if she was drawn to Kira. She needed to see him. She needed to talk to him.

A small part of her was hoping he would reveal the long-hidden truth of her origin. Another small part of her was hoping he would explain her father had been mistaken and what he had said wasn't true. The rest of her didn't know what she was hoping for. She just knew she needed to go to him.

And he gave her the words she had hoped for.

Taking in his reassuring voice, she shed new tears. He had made her realize it was what she had wanted to hear more than anything.

She had wanted—needed someone to reassure her that it didn't change anything if she wasn't related to her father by blood. It didn't change her father had loved her and she loved him. It didn't make their relationship, their memories, and their love any less true. It didn't mean the man she had loved and respected as father was a stranger now.

He was still her father. She was still his daughter.

She had known that if she talked to Kisaka or Erica or her pilot friends, or anyone from Orb, they would tell her the same. But she had needed someone different. Someone who didn't know her history with her father. Someone who had not worked for her father. Someone who wouldn't feel the need to speak for her father and protect her memories of him. Someone who could offer a more objective opinion.

Someone who wouldn't lie to protect her feelings. Someone who would tell her his honest opinion even if it was an unpleasant one, like Kira had once with a slap.

Someone who was in this as much as she was.

She had needed Kira.

It felt like a half of the heavy burden on her shoulders had been removed. She wasn't exactly relieved, bothered by the mystery and wanting to find a clear answer about her origin. Not to mention still sad and hurt. However, she felt somewhat less unsettled now, more grounded.

She had lost her father, but she had found someone who could be a new member of her family. Someone who might be her brother. Her little brother.

The thought warmed her heart, and she felt resilient, more strength rising from within her slowly but definitely.

* * *

She took a deep breath in. And out. Then she repeated the action, for the umpteenth time. Aware that her palms were becoming clammy, she wiped them on her pants with irritation.

The time the EA had warned to start attacking was drawing near. The storm had reached Orb. The war was swallowing the country. The country she had to protect.

She was going to head for the Military Headquarters soon in order to command the military. Even though she had been trained for this and knew there would be seasoned soldiers who gave her support and advice, she still couldn't get rid of nervousness and anxiety. Her stomach had been clenched into a tight knot. There was so much at stake. There was so much on her shoulders. The responsibility and pressure were terribly heavy.

Suddenly, someone placed a hand on her head. Knowing it was her father, she turned to look up at him. His serious, yet calm face made her relax a bit. Looking into his eyes which were gentle in contrast, however, she got frightened for an unknown reason. Her body was almost paralyzed with the unexplainable fear.

She was sure her fear was clear in her eyes, or all over her face even. But he didn't say anything.

Neither did she. She couldn't speak. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know the words to express what she was feeling right now. She didn't know the words that were useful right now, the words that could change the situation, the words that could stop what she was being afraid of from happening. She didn't know exactly what she was scared of to begin with.

The only thing she knew was the gut feeling so cold that it caused her body to freeze.

Someone called out to her father, and he turned his face away from her.

He soon looked back at her, who was still staring at him dumbly, and said in a firm voice, "Keep your calm and resolve." Softening his eyes, he added, "Keep your spirit, too. And listen to Kisaka."

His hand moved to her shoulder to give a squeeze. He turned his back to her and started to walk away.

"Father!" she shouted, finally finding her voice. She badly wanted to say something, needed to say something. But she still didn't know what. She just felt like running up to him and clinging tightly to him, crying and asking him not to go, like a little child. She used to do it when she had actually been one and he was going to leave for a long trip.

He stopped and looked at her over his shoulder with a small, reassuring smile. "You'll be fine, Cagalli. You can do it."

Then, her father resumed his walk, away from her, with unshakable resolution. He didn't look back again.

Her eyes were glued to his retreating form. She wanted to chase after him. Yet she couldn't.

Someone called out her name, and she slowly turned her face toward a soldier. He said it was time for her to go.

She gave a stiff nod. She had to go. She had her own job. She couldn't just keep standing here and waiting for her father to come back. She would have done so if she had still been a little child who would refuse to leave the place and stay curling up on the floor until she fell asleep, tired from crying, and someone brought her to the safe, comfortable bed.

But she wasn't anymore. She had her duties to fulfill, as her father had his. She had a battle to command.

Besides, she didn't even know why she was this scared. Probably it was just her nerves getting the best of her. Telling herself so, she closed her eyes tightly for a long moment.

As she opened them and started to follow the soldier, she looked back one last time in the direction her father had left.

He was nowhere to be seen anymore.

* * *

Looking at Athrun's frowning face, she knitted her own eyebrows. Partly because she didn't like that he didn't seem to trust her enough to believe she could do fine in mobile suit combats; partly because she was concerned about him.

He was such a careless person. He was worrying about her when he was the one who was prone to troubles. Well, she was often said to be like that, too. But she was sure he was more so than she was. She at least didn't have a habit of getting herself injured—not beyond small cuts and bruises anyway. Even though he looked like a careful person at first glance, he was actually rather heedless.

"I'm not going to let you die," she stated. "And him, either, who...may be my little brother."

She wasn't blind. She had noticed both Athrun and Kira appeared unmindful of their own safety. It seemed like they were willing—or even eager—to sacrifice their lives to end the war.

And she was resolved to not let them. She didn't want to lose anyone else. She didn't want to see any more people she cared about die. She would stop them. She would protect someone she loved this time. She would do everything in her power to keep them safe, keep them alive.

She had also noticed Lacus looked troubled. Lacus must be more afraid than she was, for the pink-haired girl couldn't go out into combat herself. But she could. She could do what Lacus couldn't do, so she would watch out for the boys both for herself and for Lacus.

After all, the boys were worrisome and needed some protection and care. Even Athrun who was maturer. Let alone Kira. Although Kira wasn't a weak person and seemed more grown-up recently, he was still a boy sensitive and vulnerable and crying a lot. There was simply no way he was her big brother. If they were actually twins, she would be the older one who protected and took care of her younger sibling.

Athrun, or anyone for that matter, should have known it without her telling him so. Well, at least he understood it now, which satisfied her.

Athrun's smile somewhat changed, from teasing to warm. There was something about the smile that caught her attention, and for a moment, she forgot what they were talking about. Her eyes were locked with his emerald green eyes which slightly reminded her of the clear, beautiful water of the Orb beaches she had seen numerous times. But his eyes seemed deeper. So deep that she felt she was lost and drowned in them.

Before she collected herself, he swept her off her feet—literally. He had closed their distance with a little force and her body was floating backward, firmly held in his arms.

As he whispered into her ear in a voice that seemed to be filled with deep emotion just like his eyes, she couldn't react except muttering his name.

It wasn't the first time he embraced her, and she was hardly unfamiliar with a hug. She liked to share a hug with those close to her, and often initiated it. She had even initiated a physical contact with Athrun several times.

Yet, his hug—both the previous one and this one—was somehow different. It made her unsettled, but not in a bad way, not like when she was hugged by someone she didn't like. It was actually the opposite. As awkward as she felt, she didn't feel like freeing herself from the hug. A part of her even wanted to just stay like that as long as possible.

She didn't feel like protesting against his words that he was going to protect her, either, though she wasn't fond of being protected. It somehow felt right that he protected her while she protected him.

She just gazed at his face that was so close to her own face which felt burning, vaguely aware of her pounding heart. His eyes, boring into hers, were even more intense, enthralling.

Then, something more astonishing and unexpected happened. He covered her mouth with his. With such heat that it made her body warm all over and her mind hazy.

She was panicked and relieved at the same time. She had never kissed, or been kissed by, someone like this. But she liked it. She liked being so close to him in such an intimate way.

And his hot mouth, his strong arms, his firm body—everything of him felt alive. There was so much passion in his kiss that it made her believe he had understood her. He understood how much she cared about him, how much she didn't want him to die. Then, he was surely going to at least try to stay alive, to take better care of himself, right?

Her body relaxed at the thought and her eyes fell closed. With simple joy, she held him close and kissed back.

···

Flying through the Genesis toward its core, she was fighting off desperation and fear. She was furious, though she didn't know at whom she was angry: him or herself—or her father. Maybe all of them.

It didn't matter anyway. The only thing that mattered to her now, the only thing she knew now was that she had to do something. She had to try.

The memories of her father flashed in her mind: his loving eyes, his determined face, his stern voice telling she should leave for space without him, his last words. And those of Athrun: his warm smile, his deep eyes, the words he had told her before the kiss, his stubborn face when he had said that he was going to self-destruct his mobile suit and that she mustn't follow him.

They seemed oddly similar.

 _N_ _O_ _!_ Pushing the thought from her mind, she forcefully blinked away the tears threatening to cloud her sight. She couldn't afford to let them slow her. The clock was ticking. She had to go. Fast.

It wouldn't be the same. She wouldn't let it. It wasn't the same. Athrun wasn't her father. He was a boy who seemed like he could take good care of himself or others and yet needed some looking after every now and then. A boy who looked like a confident adult one day but like a lost child the next. A boy who was often rigid but had a tender side. A boy who was usually calm and composed but ardent deep down. A boy who was occasionally reckless despite his usual cautiousness. A boy who could be stupid once in a while despite his intelligence. A boy who tried to do good and right and tended to be mindless of his own well-being, own life.

She could understand why he was doing what he was doing, but she couldn't just let him. She couldn't just let him go. She couldn't just let him give up and run. She couldn't just leave him alone to die. She couldn't just give up on him.

She wouldn't.

He was different. This would be different. There was still a way to save him. She still had something to say to him. This time, she knew the words that might be able to change the situation. She knew what she wanted to tell him, and she needed to say it. She needed to at least make him hear it though she wasn't sure it would make him change his mind. But still, she had to at least give it a try. She had to believe there was still hope. She had to believe it wasn't too late yet.

And it wasn't.

He listened to her. He understood her. He changed his mind. He agreed with her that there was another way. He came back to her. He came with her.

She felt as if she was dreaming while piloting the Strike Rouge with its highest speed to survive.

They barely managed to escape the explosion and her mobile suit was half broken, which she couldn't care less about. She just embraced Athrun fiercely, wanting to make sure this was real.

He hugged her back tightly, crying just like her.

He was here. He was with her. He was alive. They were both alive. He had chosen to live. He had chosen to fight. He had chosen to stay with her. They could keep living. They could keep fighting. Together.

Even though her father was dead, she still had her family. She still had her friends. She still had Athrun.

She held him closer, shaking as relief and bliss repeatedly surged through her body.

She wasn't alone.

* * *

A warm breeze gently caressed her face. Sitting on the top of the stone stairs from a porch to the garden, she absentmindedly watched orange hibiscus petals tremble in the light of a fountain which was softly lit up. The gentle flowing sound of the water was soothing.

Not feeling like sleeping, she had decided to sneak out of her chambers and get some fresh air. It was after midnight and Myrna would scold her if she found Cagalli wasn't in bed.

Cagalli pulled a face at the thought. It seemed her escapade had ignited her caretaker's maternal instinct or something. Myrna was even more protective of her and nagging than before—like making her wear an amulet or giving her an earful when she had forgotten to tell Myrna where she was going—which tired and annoyed her.

But Cagalli tried not to rebel much—by her standard, at least. She now understood how worrying it was when you had to see someone you cared about leave for a dangerous place, thinking they might never come back. She was somewhat sorry for having gotten Myrna, and her father and the others, worried. Not that she wouldn't do something like that again, but she had started to care more about the feelings of those concerned with and wishing for her safety.

The thought led her mind to painful memories of her dead friends and she heaved a long sigh. She pulled her knees closer to her chest and sank her chin into her left arm draping over the knees.

Her eyes drifted toward a malachite in her right hand, the protection stone her dead friend had originally planned to give her and his mother had given to her before a battle. She stroked the gleaming surface of the stone before wrapping her fingers around it.

People died so easily, and praying for their safety might not have any meaning. No matter how much you didn't want them to die, no matter how hard you prayed, they might die just as easily. But still, you couldn't just stop praying. You couldn't help asking gods and goddesses to give protection to the people you cared about when you couldn't protect them yourself, hoping it might change something.

And even if deities didn't answer the prayers, she still didn't think the prayers were utterly meaningless. The green stone, the prayers and feelings put into it, warmed her and somewhat comforted her when she looked at it. She hoped it would work for other people as well, not just for her.

Quiet footsteps were heard behind her, but she ignored them. She was sure it wasn't Myrna. Her caretaker would have certainly started to give a lecture from the distance at the moment she laid her eyes on Cagalli instead of sneaking up on her. It was probably just a servant getting a glass of water, or a late-night snack. Or it might be already time for guards to make rounds. Either way, it wasn't something to pay attention to.

"Isn't it too dark to admire the garden?" Hearing the familiar, but unexpected voice, she straightened up in surprise.

She turned around toward the man standing beside the glass doors she had left wide open. "Father? I didn't expect you to come home tonight."

He calmly returned, "And I didn't expect you to be still up at this time of night."

"You are not going to tell Myrna, right?" she asked a little worriedly.

With the dim light of the hall, she could see a small smile turn up the corner of his lips. "No. I wouldn't like the poor woman to suffer more headaches than she already does because of my unruly daughter."

"I'm the one having a hard time because of her," she grumbled with a scowl.

Without a reply, he walked over the porch to stand next to her.

She moved her eyes back to the fountain. They remained silent for a while before he asked, "Have you been thinking about Kira Yamato, the pilot of the Strike?"

Surprised, she looked up at him. He explained, "Kisaka told me you'd been close to him and quite upset when you couldn't find his...body."

Her gaze dropped as she felt a surge of pain shoot through her heart. She unconsciously shifted her body closer to her father's. He sat down, sensing her need for comfort. His hand gently stroked her back, but didn't pull her toward him like he used to, which she appreciated. She wasn't a little child anymore.

She slowly started, "I met the boy—a ZAFT soldier—who'd killed Kira. His name is Athrun and he is...was Kira's friend. But Athrun killed Kira because Kira had killed another friend of his."

Inhaling a long breath, she continued, "I felt I wanted to kill him. But I couldn't. I felt sad for him. For both of them. It shouldn't have happened. Kira shouldn't have died, shouldn't have been killed by his friend. And Athrun shouldn't have had to—shouldn't have felt he had to kill his friend. He really regretted it. He was suffering so much. It's so..." She struggled for the word. "...so wrong."

She stared at her father, half trying to draw calmness from his composed face. She couldn't say it was successful, but she at least found some comfort in his unwavering tranquility.

"Now I truly understand what you said. Shooting each other can't end the war. ...But then what can? What should we do? What should _I_ do? How can we create a peaceful world? How can I stop that kind of thing from happening again? How can I protect those I care about? Protect Orb?

"I don't know that, Father. I don't want anyone to die anymore, but I don't know what I should do." Panting, she poured out her frustration. She was clenching her hands into fists, which resulted in some pain in her right one because of the stone in it. But she didn't care about it.

She had been wondering since she had parted with Athrun, but not been able to find the answer yet. She couldn't figure out what to do and felt useless. She had not been able to save Kira, or her other friends who had died because of the war. She had not been able to do anything for Athrun other than just wish him safety. And she didn't know whether she could protect her loved ones and Orb if anything should happen to them. She had been afraid and restless.

Her father's hand moved to firmly hold her shoulder, which caused her body to relax to a certain extent.

He looked her in the eye as he always did when talking about something important. "I can't tell you the answer, Cagalli. You have to find it yourself." His voice grew more reassuring as he continued, "It doesn't mean you have to do it alone, of course. I will help you, and many other people will, too. However, in the end, you are the one to decide what's right for you and what you should do. It may take long, but you have to do the search of your own."

He paused a little before proceeding, "Hopefully, there will be enough time. Orb is still peaceful. You still have time. We still have time. And even if I..." He closed his mouth without ending the sentence.

"Father?"

He just shook his head. She stared at him, having an eerie feeling for an unknown reason. He seemed to realize she was being a little nervous and patted her shoulder in a comforting manner.

"Besides, you can't accept what is right just because I say it is, can you?" he said in a lighter, somewhat amused voice, "You wouldn't take it until you see for yourself and your heart is convinced. You've always been a stubborn child who prefers to go your own way over to obediently follow directions."

He seemed to be smiling at the memories. She looked away with a pout.

"And I admire you for it, for your spirit," he continued, which made her look at him with widened eyes. A fond smile was visible on his face.

"You have a heart and will of gold. Keep them, and you can succeed at anything you set out to do. You will surely find your answer, your way."

Her eyes became slightly moist at the affection and pride in his voice.

"I'm sorry, Father," she whispered, hugging him.

He returned the hug, patting her on her head. It was as if she was still a little child, but she didn't care at this moment. Being held in her father's arms felt so comfortable and protected. The familiar green scent of his cologne, which managed to still faintly linger after a long day, made her feel even safer.

After several minutes of warm silence, he opened his mouth again. "The question you are tackling is exceptionally tough. Ending a war or protecting a country is not in any sense an easy task. Protecting our loved ones as well. Nevertheless, we can't give up. We have to fight." Glancing at her, he said a little warningly, "I don't mean engaging in combats. Well, sometimes it's necessary. But it isn't the only way to fight. I suppose you remember another thing I told you?"

"Learn about the roots of war?"

"Yes. Knowing what's behind will help you find a way to fight other than taking a gun. A way to stop killing each other and end a war without annihilating the other side.

"I hear you've been learning well," he added, which brought a small smile to her lips.

Since she had given up accompanying the Archangel and decided to stay in Orb, he had allowed her to involve in military affairs, and some political affairs, more deeply. Driven by the desire to do something which had been strengthened by her recent experiences, she had been putting a lot of effort in learning from military officers and political aides her father had assigned to assist her. Partly because she was happy they, especially her father, seemed to be treating her more like an adult.

He continued talking. "It often seems too time-consuming and meaningless, for it seldom, if ever, brings immediate results. It takes time for the seeds we plant to grow into peace. However, it is imperative. And it will pay off if you keep working. Some people say it's wishful thinking, too idealistic. But I call it hope. And that's what we need more than anything. The belief that there is still a way, another way."

His voice was colored with deep passion and firm determination, which she always admired and respected. She gazed at him, earnestly listening to his words.

"We have to keep the fire of hope in this dark time. No matter how dark the world gets—no, _because_ the world gets dark, we have to keep it burning. Orb has long been doing it.

"The fire is small and it may appear to be easily put out. But it's not, and we fight and protect it. It's the key to the peaceful future, the future for both Naturals and Coordinators. We have to fight through the darkness until we see daylight, keeping our faith that morning will come. Though the battle is tiring and devastating, and there are times you want to just give up."

She tilted her head. "Even for you?"

With a smile in his voice, he answered, "Yes, even for me."

"Then, how do you keep fighting?"

"Because I have you. I have the people I care about. I want a better world for you, a better future. And fortunately, I also have many people who share my dream and support me, who fight along with me so that we can make the dream come true."

"I'll be one, too," she blurted out, urged by the passion his words had stirred within her.

Her cheeks slightly heated up in embarrassment over the sudden declaration. But she kept her head up and looked straight into his eyes with utmost sincerity, subconsciously clasping her hands and holding the stone dearly.

Although it had been impulsive, the words had come from her heart. She had no intention or desire to take them back. She wanted to fight to protect Orb and the people she cared about, fight for peace and what was important to her, fight along with her father. She had always wanted to be a person who could.

He gave her a smile. "I know you will." His reply was simple, but genuine, and filled her with pride and joy.

"However," —he rose with a pat on her back—"what you have to do now is go to your bed. It's about time."

She blinked up at him before getting on her feet, pocketing the malachite. "Okay."

"Do you need me to tuck you in?" He flashed a mischievous smile.

She made a face. "I'm not a little kid, Father." But she wasn't really annoyed. She liked it when he teased her like this. It was the side he rarely showed to other people. It made her feel special.

"No, you are not," he replied, smiling. But somehow there was a hint of sadness in his voice as he added, "You'll be fine without me."

She felt slightly confused and uneasy at his tone, but quickly shook off the feelings. Probably her father was missing the old days when she had been little and clingy to him.

"You can walk me to my room, though," she offered.

"Then, shall we?"

She felt his hand on her back, gently pushing her forward, and they started to walk next to each other.

"There is still a long time before daybreak," he murmured as they left the dark garden and entered the dimly-lit building.

* * *

 _W_ _hat should I do, Father_ _?_ she inwardly asked, staring at the monument dedicated to her father and the other people who had died at the EF attack on Orb. She had been asking the question for so many times that she couldn't remember how many.

Another war had erupted despite their pledge to not repeat the mistake. The effort she and many other people had made to end the previous war and get back a peaceful world had been blown away, as if it meant nothing. As if those sacrifices, those lost lives meant nothing.

She had thought that people cherished the peace restored at such cost. That all countries were willing to do better this time, to choose to walk forward hand in hand. She had believed, or wanted to believe, that then, they could coexist peacefully without conflicts, without tragedy like war happening again.

But she seemed to have been wrong, too optimistic.

She didn't know what to do now, how to bring peace back to the world, or even how to keep Orb peaceful and the citizens safe. She had agreed to ally with the Atlantic Federation, but she wasn't sure that she had done the right thing. That it was best for Orb. She couldn't feel it was. But was there any other way? She couldn't find any.

Probably her decision had been right, as the Sarans and the other Representatives said, and her feelings—she—were what was wrong.

She didn't know.

It felt so dark. Black clouds were hanging over her head, over Orb. She didn't know how to defend against the raging storm. She didn't really know what to defend anymore, even.

Fixing her desperate eyes on the monument, she silently asked the question again. She didn't want her father, or someone, to tell her the answer so much as to give her comfort—support. She wanted her father to be here. She wanted Athrun to be here. She just wanted them to be by her side, reassuring her that she wasn't alone. That she could do it. That she wasn't wrong to want to believe there was another way.

But they weren't. Her father had left this universe, leaving her behind. Athrun had left for PLANT, leaving her behind.

Kisaka, Kira, or Lacus wasn't here and couldn't help her, either. Kisaka had left Orb for a mission the Sarans had assigned him to. Kira and Lacus were occupied with their own lives, and she didn't want to drag them into political affairs they didn't want to involve in.

She had no one to talk to. She had no one to turn to. She had to deal with this all by herself.

There were still some people around who cared about her, like Myrna. However, she couldn't discuss politics with them, and those she could with, like Jona and Unato, didn't seem to have faith in her.

She knew very well that she lacked experience and knowledge; she couldn't even come close to the other Representatives, much less her father. She had known it even when she was asked to be the Chief Representative. But she had thought she could still do it with help from the Sarans and the other Representatives; she wasn't the one to give up without trying. She had thought she could and should protect Orb and Orb's principles even if her father was no longer here guiding her; she could fill his place and continue his work.

So she had accepted the request and been doing her best to fulfill her duties, to meet the expectations of the other Representatives. Yet it seemed they were never satisfied with her. It seemed her effort was never enough. _S_ _he_ was never enough. She could never match her father. She could never do as he had. She could never be like him.

She often felt as if the ground was shaking and crumbling, ready to swallow and crush her. She had been fighting really hard, fighting off the feeling, fighting for what she believed in, fighting to protect Orb and her father's legacy.

Nevertheless, she had failed to defend Orb's principles. She had failed to protect what her father had protected at the cost of his life. She had even failed to stop the Orb's military from attacking the Minerva, the warship which had done such a great job to protect the Earth.

She and Orb were indebted to its crew and should have been thankful and done their best to help them. It was the just thing to do. It was how things should be. Instead, however, Orb had chosen to aid the EF over the Minerva because she had accepted making the alliance with the AF; Orb had chased away the Minerva from its territory because it was one of Orb's principles that they should stay away from another country's conflicts, the principles she had been believing in and trying to defend.

She felt like she had been failing everything she believed in, everything she cared about. She had been failing everything, everyone.

She felt exhausted, miserable, and helpless. She didn't know what was right anymore. She didn't know what to believe anymore. She didn't even know what she could do anymore.

Maybe what they said was true...

Maybe she knew nothing. Maybe she was nothing more than a foolish child who wasn't capable of leading a country. Maybe her father had been wrong. Maybe Orb's principles had been wrong. Maybe she had been wrong all along. Maybe Orb citizens had not really valued the principles. Maybe they had not really supported her father's decision to follow the principles through. Maybe they didn't really believe in her. Maybe everything she believed in, everything she wished to do, was wrong. Maybe she was just Princess, a powerless girl who was in her position only because of her father. Maybe she understood nothing and could do nothing, after all.

No matter how many times she chased them away, the thoughts—the words—came back to swirl around her, gradually permeating her and deepening the despair.

She felt dizzy, as if there was nothing under her feet and she was falling down a dark, bottomless pit. Her chest tightened, making it hard for her to breathe. And she felt her resolve was draining away, as if her body had been squashed by a heavy force and broken apart.

She squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to think like this. She didn't want to feel like this. She didn't want to give up.

She struggled to hold onto something, anything, but she didn't know what to.

She tried to believe she wasn't alone. Athrun would come back to her side after he finished his business in PLANT, after he became assured PLANT was all right. Kisaka would complete his mission and return to Orb someday. Unato and the other Representatives might come to have faith in her eventually.

However, there was no warmth around her that protected her from the cold, relentless stream trying to wash her away. Everything seemed out of her control, even her own life. She couldn't find the strength to resist the stream, to keep fighting against it. She didn't know what she could hang on to in this powerful tide swallowing her world, swallowing the whole world. She felt like a helpless twig, useless and worthless.

With desperation, she touched a ring on her left hand. The ring was almost the only consolation left for her, a reminder that there was still someone willing to fight along with her. She tried to draw strength from it, as she had many times after Athrun's departure, after she had become on her own. But it didn't seem to be working now. She still felt drained, almost empty.

She felt so alone.

She hated the feeling. She hated herself for being so weak. She had to be strong. She had to fight. Even if she was alone. Even if no one helped her or supported her. She still had to protect Orb. She needed to.

Yet, the feeling of helplessness continued eating away at her. It seemed it wouldn't stop until it completely devoured her.

What had happened at the Military Headquarters returned to her mind again, increasing the heaviness in her chest. It seemed like everything she said or did was wrong. It seemed like everyone doubted her capability and judgement. It seemed like she was a failure. It seemed like there was nothing she could do for Orb—except marrying Jona.

Then...maybe she should do it. Maybe she should focus on what she could do instead of what she wanted to do but couldn't. Maybe she should think about what other people told her to do instead of what she wished to do. It was what she was supposed to do, right? She wasn't a child anymore. She should consider what other people wanted from her, what they expected of her. It was what an adult should do, right?

Most of all, she wanted to protect Orb. She couldn't bear Orb being attacked and the citizens being killed again. The angry and pained red eyes flashed in her mind. And the memories of her friends—Asagi, Juri, Mayura—who had died fighting along with her, fighting under her.

She didn't want anyone to die anymore. She didn't want anyone—or any Orb citizen at the very least—to have the same experience as that of the ruby-eyed boy, as that of hers. She knew what it was like to lose your family and friends, lose someone you loved. She knew how it felt to helplessly watch them die. She knew the grief and agony. She didn't want such a thing to happen again.

Although she didn't know what to do to prevent it, the Sarans said they knew it, knew how to protect Orb. Then, probably she should do what they said was right, let them have the power to do the job of protecting Orb. Maybe it was best. Maybe it was what the citizens wanted and needed. Maybe it was her duty. She was the Chief Representative. She was an Athha. She had to protect the people of Orb. It was what she was supposed to do, what she should do. And what she wanted to do.

Her family, and the other noble families, were entrusted power and authority so that they could do what ordinary citizens couldn't. It was their duty to protect this country and make sure the citizens could have peaceful and happy lives, to live up to the trust, respect, and expectations of the citizens.

She had to do anything to fulfil her duties—like her father. He had sacrificed his life...and maybe she should do the same. Maybe she had to sacrifice her happiness at least. Maybe it was her duty as the Chief Representative, "the mother of the country" as Jona had called.

Even though she had failed to be a leader like her father, even though she had failed to meet those expectations for her, she could at least do this, couldn't she? She should have at least that much capability.

Even if she couldn't protect Orb herself, she could contribute to protecting it by supporting those who were capable, right? She still could do something for Orb. She still could be useful in some ways. Even if it meant she had to be a political pawn, a tool for the Sarans to have power, it was still worth it if it ensured the safety of Orb, the safety and happiness of the people she loved. Right?

Her gaze slowly lowered at the ring. She was now in her bedchamber at her home, though she hardly remembered her way back here. All she remembered was her conversation with Jona in the car.

No, she couldn't do it. She couldn't abandon Orb. She couldn't abandon her responsibility. She couldn't abandon protecting Orb and its people. Even if she gave up searching for her answer, even if she gave up fighting herself, she couldn't give up protecting those she loved. She would never be able to. It was the only thing she could be sure of now.

No matter how powerless she might be, she couldn't just give up everything. She couldn't just run away, throwing away her burdens. She had to do something. She needed to do something. She wanted to do something.

With slow steps, she walked toward her desk. Her feet, her entire body, felt heavy. It felt so cold. The fire was burning out. Or maybe it already had, and now only ashes were left.

Standing in front of the desk, she held the ring with her cold, trembling fingers.

She didn't want to do this. She knew she would have to cut ties with all her loved ones, not just Athrun and those who were Coordinators, if she married Jona. She didn't want such a future, such a life. She wanted to be with them. She wanted a life with them. She wanted to be happy with them.

But it couldn't be helped, could it? Although she wanted to believe there was another way, she couldn't. She couldn't believe she was able to find it. She couldn't find in her the strength to keep searching.

At least, that future was still better than the other possible one, she told herself. As agonizing as being unable to be with her loved ones anymore was, it was still better than their dying because Orb was burned again. Because of her.

She would never be able to live with herself if she did nothing to prevent it. Even her own death was better than that. She didn't want to see the country she loved burned again. She didn't want to see someone she loved die again. She didn't want to have such an experience ever again.

She would do anything for it.

This wasn't the worst thing that could happen. Even if it wasn't perfect, it was the best she could have, the best she could do now. It was best for everyone. She had to do this to prevent the worst possible scenario even if she didn't like it. She had to do this for everyone, for those she loved. This was the right decision.

She repeated so in her head over and over, though the words felt empty, not sounding true. But it was probably because she was having a wrong feeling. Or because she wanted the words not to be true. She wasn't sure, but probably it didn't matter anyway. It didn't matter what she felt. It didn't matter she felt like she was dying inside.

What mattered was that Orb was safe and the citizens could live peacefully and happily. Even if she wasn't happy. What mattered was that her loved ones were alive and all right. Even if she couldn't be with them.

That was what she wanted, wasn't it? She wanted to protect Orb and her loved ones. And this was the way, apparently the only way. It was probably time for her to accept it, accept the fact there was nothing she could do to change the situation. She had to stop denying the reality foolishly and childishly.

She took out an envelope from a drawer of the desk, and stared at the ring with hollow eyes. The time Athrun had given it to her felt so long ago. It felt like a dream. A happy, beautiful, and hopeful dream that would never come true. A dream of a child.

 _"C_ _hildhood is over_ _."_ Jona's words rung in her head. As if controlled by the voice, she awkwardly took off the ring and gave up her hold of it.

* * *

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	2. Chapter 2

:

* * *

The Archangel was already gone from her sight, but she stayed saluting for a while, and even after she lowered her arm, kept her eyes in the direction.

Her brother who had been supporting her fight more than anyone was gone. Her friends and comrades who had helped her and fought along with her during her search for the answer were gone. The soldiers who had come to her at Crete were gone. Her boyfriend who had just returned was gone. They all had left for space, leaving her behind.

However, she wasn't feeling lonely.

Not just because Kisaka stayed with her. Well, she was glad she had him back by her side, but she would be fine even if he left as well. They were all fighting their battles. They were all fighting for the same future though they weren't in the same place. She trusted them.

A part of her still wished she had been able to go to space with the Archangel, which she would have done two years ago. Yet, she was mostly calm, not restless.

Engaging in combats wasn't the only way to fight. There were times she needed to step back and entrust some jobs to other people so that she could do different things. To the people she could trust to do the job, the people willing to help her.

And she firmly believed that her choice to fight political battle instead of military battle was right for her. That it was best to fulfill her wishes. It was what she herself had decided she should do now.

She wouldn't let anyone decide it again. She had to make her own decision on what to do instead of doing what other people told her to, what they said was right.

It didn't mean she wasn't going to listen to other people. She needed their advices and help. In the end, however, the decision was hers and hers alone, as the responsibility of the decision was. It wouldn't change whether she took someone's advice or rejected it.

What someone said was best wasn't necessarily so in order to achieve what she wanted to, in order to protect what she wanted to. It didn't matter whether they meant well or whether they actually believed what they said. What was truly right for them still might not be right for her at all. She had to think about her own goal, ask her own heart, and find her own answer.

She had those she wanted to protect. She had what she wanted to obtain. She had a self she wanted to become. She had a future she wanted to create. She had a life she wanted to live. She had dreams she wanted to realize.

They were her wishes. So she was the one to fulfill them, to decide how to fulfill them.

It was what it truly meant to be an adult.

Not everyone would like it. Not everyone would understand. Not everyone would accept. Not everyone would agree. Not everyone would fight along with her. It couldn't be helped. But even if many people said it was wrong, even if someone she loved didn't agree with her, she had to follow through on her decision if she still believed it was the way to the future she wanted, if it was what she really wanted to do. Otherwise, she couldn't reach where she wanted to go.

This was her life, and she was the one who took control of it. She wouldn't let anyone steal it from her, dictate her life as if it was theirs to live. She wouldn't hand over the control to anyone, let anyone decide what and how she fought.

Neither would she let any country do it to Orb. Orb had to be independent. It should protect itself from those trying to violate the boundaries. It shouldn't violate the boundaries of other countries. And it shouldn't interfere with other country's affairs as if they were its own. Other countries' affairs were theirs to handle, like Orb's affairs were Orb's to handle. Of course there were times they needed to send help to or ask for help from others, times they should cooperate to solve international problems. Still, they should respect other countries' autonomy and make sure others respected theirs. It was crucial to maintain peaceful and equal relationships, to create a world where every country, everyone could coexist peacefully and happily.

Orb wouldn't surrender or submit; it would fight to protect its freedom and independence.

Now she truly understood why Orb's principles were important. Although she had always wanted to defend them, she had not given a serious thought to the reason. The reason she should follow them.

The principles had always been there to follow and defend. It had been so natural for her to do it. She had never doubted their righteousness, especially after her father had died defending them. She had wanted to preserve the principles, her father's legacy, what her father had entrusted to her.

It was probably partly why she had not been able to keep standing up against the other Representatives and defending the principles. She had not clearly realized why defending them was important to protect Orb, and had known it deep down. It had strengthened her feeling of insecurity, her doubt in herself, and eventually caused her to cave in and give up on herself.

Also, the principles were the symbol of the Orb of the past. She had fervently and desperately wanted to get back and protect the peaceful Orb, the country her father had devoted himself to protecting, the country that had once been lost along with her father. She had not wanted to lose it again.

However, what she had to do wasn't getting back the past, making Orb how it had been. She had to create Orb's future, make it the country that would continue to thrive. She had to change the ways things were in this country if it was necessary while protecting its core.

The change the Sarans had intended to make was wrong, she could say with certainty. But it didn't mean any changes were wrong. She just had to carefully assess the present situation and the possible outcomes and decide what was truly best for Orb: adopting a new way or preserving a traditional way. It was her true duty.

She had learned it at great cost. Thinking about the result of her decisions, and the Sarans' decisions, stirred anger in her which caused her chest to hurt. Anger toward both herself and the Sarans and their supporters.

Her hands curled into fists, she bit her lip. She wouldn't forget this anger and pain. She would keep it in her heart as a warning, a reminder of the importance of her power and the gravity of her responsibility.

She closed her eyes, and several moments later, slowly let out a breath to calm herself down. Opening her eyes, she looked at the calm water of the sea, which further soothed her.

At the same time, however, she shouldn't dwell too much on the past, which would be repeating the same mistake. What she should focus on was the present and the future, how to protect Orb now. Which was why she was defending the principles. She wasn't doing it because it was the tradition, or because it was what her father had done. But because she believed in them, that defending them would protect Orb's future.

She couldn't take back her past decisions. She couldn't undo her mistakes. The only thing she could do was reduce the damage, make up for the mistakes, and try to prevent the same thing from happening. She couldn't save those who had died because of her anymore, but there were still those she could protect, those she should protect. Those she wanted to protect. She was resolved to protect them with all her might.

Not that she was going to throw away her happiness for it, though. Protecting what was important to you even if it meant sacrificing yourself didn't mean that you would throw yourself away as if it didn't matter. That you would give up protecting yourself without doing everything you could do to find another way, a way to protect both yourself and what you cared about.

It wasn't how or why her father had died. He had not given up. He had not just sacrificed his life because he thought he had no other choice. It had been his way to fight. He had been fighting until the last moment in order to live the life he wanted to.

She knew he had loved her very much. And he had known how much she loved him. He had cherished his life and his loved ones. He had not liked to part with her or the others he loved. But still, he had chosen to sacrifice himself. Not because he thought his life or happiness didn't matter, but because he believed it was what he should do to create the future he wished for.

It might have been a wrong decision. There might have been a better way. But she was sure he had firmly believed in his way until his last breath, believed that it was best for him.

She had always known it, known his determination, even when she was trying to make him change his mind and come with her to space. She had done it anyway for she couldn't bear making no attempt. Still, she had been painfully aware his resolve was unshakable by anything, even by her plea. Which hurt a lot.

There was still some sadness in her heart about his death, about his decision to part with her. A part of her still wished he had chosen a different way. Maybe it always would.

Nevertheless, she understood and admired him. She was his daughter. She had not inherited his blood, but inherited his determination and devotion, his strength and passion. She had inherited his heart. She had the same fire burning within her. The desire to fight to protect what was important to her, protect what she loved. Even at the cost of her life.

She had meant it when she said she would rather be burned together with Orb than just watch it being burned without doing anything. The feeling was still inside her, as true as then.

It didn't mean she would like it or want it, though. Nor was it what she should do. No matter how strong her desire and determination were, it didn't guarantee what she did was right. That she did what she could do didn't mean it would surely help her accomplish her goals.

Jumping into flames to perish together might make her feel good, but wouldn't save Orb or anyone. The only thing it would do was cause pain to those who loved her and disappoint those who trusted her.

If she truly wanted to protect what she cared about, she had to closely consider her options, create a new one if possible, and choose what to do instead of jumping to the first option in front of her. She had to battle her fear and desperation as much as she could so that they wouldn't blind her. She had to control her desire to do something so that she could make a wiser decision.

Besides, even if her father had just given up and abandoned himself, it didn't mean she had to choose the same way or would.

She was resolved to fulfill her duties as her father had, as her family had been doing: serving and protecting Orb. She wanted to be a good leader like her father. However, she had to find her own definition of a good leader. She had to lead her own way instead of trying to follow her father's way. Because she wasn't him. She could never be her father. She was herself, and could never be anything else. She wouldn't try to.

Her father would understand—no, he would _want_ it. He would want her to be herself.

He had had his faith in her, not because he thought she could fulfill the role of his replacement, but because he believed in _her_. Because he believed she was capable of learning and growing into a person who could use her power well, who could protect what she wanted to protect while being herself. He had seen her as who she was and trusted her for who she was.

It was how he had always been. Even when he pointed out her ignorance, even when he reprimanded her for careless actions, he had always loved her. No matter what choices or mistakes she made. He had accepted every part of her including the ignorance, the carelessness, or mistakes. It was the father she had known.

During her struggle after his death, she seemed to have lost sight of her father, and of herself. But she had regained it and would keep a secure hold on it.

 _"I'_ _m happy to have been your father_ _."_ At the voice echoing in her mind, her body felt warm, enveloped and filled with love. A genuine smile broke over her face.

 _A_ _nd I_ _'_ _m happy to have been your daughter. I_ _'_ _ll always be_ _._

It wasn't easy to carry the Athha name. It wasn't easy to be the daughter of the Lion of Orb. But she had never regretted being her father's daughter. She never would.

She was going to protect Orb and her loved ones, and have a happy life. As her father had hoped. As her father had lived.

She would never give up her happiness again. She would fight for her happiness, for herself. She wouldn't let anyone make her abandon a part of her, whether her wish to protect Orb or her wish to be with her loved ones, and thus turn herself into something else. Even for those she loved. She would become the self she wanted to be, not what she was forced or told to be, not what other people wanted or expected her to be.

Although she wouldn't continue her father's legacies just because they were her father's legacies, she would still follow his example. She would be a leader—a person who wouldn't give up. She was determined to keep at least that one legacy of his unchanged.

She would fight until the last moment for both herself and what she loved, and if she still couldn't find a way to protect both, then, and only then, she would choose to sacrifice herself for what she loved. Not to become something other than herself, but to become what she wanted to be, how she wanted to be. Not because she ignored her happiness, but because she considered it. Because doing so would make her happier than doing otherwise would. Because it was the way that she believed led to her happiness.

She knew with no doubt that protecting what she loved made her happy. Therefore, she would defend her freedom and right to do so, which included not misusing it, not exercising it the way it would make her unhappy.

Never would she make those she loved the reason of her unhappiness. She would never degrade her love for them like that. She would protect her love.

She knew how valuable love was. Although loving could be tough, it was still wonderful. She didn't doubt it and wouldn't let anyone tell her otherwise. Love was what made her feel happy and strong, and she would never give it up, never give up believing in it. Her love for Orb. Her love for other people. Other people's love for her.

She wouldn't let her love weaken her. She would let it strengthen her, turning it into her power to remain herself.

She didn't have to choose between being herself and protecting what mattered to her, or between being herself and becoming happy. There was another way, the way she believed in.

She believed that being who she was wouldn't prevent her from accomplishing those goals; on the contrary, it was what was essential.

She needed to be herself to become happy. And she believed—knew that she could be loved by other people the way her father had loved her. That there were many people who accepted her, supported her, and loved her for who she was, not for what they wanted her to be. She didn't have to abandon who she was and become something else no matter who wanted her to.

Furthermore, she should not give up being happy or being herself, even. Because it meant giving up the power to protect those she wanted to, or worse, hurting them. She needed to protect herself first if she wanted to protect others.

The desire for happiness was what gave you the strength to continue struggling, to hang on to the edge of the land even when it seemed much easier to let go of your grip and let the torrent pull you under.

If she gave up her desires and wishes, abandon her heart, then she would be a mindless puppet who only had her power to fulfill someone's orders. Feelings were hardly enough to protect what you wanted to. But without them, you couldn't do anything.

In order to fulfill her duties and justify the trust others placed in her, she had to be her own person, not a puppet, whether it was of someone else or of fate. In order to keep fighting for what was important to her until the last moment, whether it was Orb or her loved ones, she had to be herself with her own will and wishes.

It was a part of her responsibility.

Her decision to sacrifice herself and become a tool had been wrong not only for herself. By making the decision, she had inflicted pain and suffering on other people, the people she was supposed to protect, the people she wanted to protect.

Not just her boyfriend, her family and friends, or the soldiers who had died. Coordinator citizens had lived in anxiety while the Sarans were completely in charge and Orb was in alliance with the AF. There had been some casualties of civilians during the ZAFT attack. All citizens had been shocked and upset by the attack.

She had not been able to see how much she was actually sacrificing. She had not been able to do her job as the Chief Representative well.

Fortunately, she had been given a second chance. Most of the people in the government and the military, and the public opinion, were still willing to let her continue the job, at least for now. It wasn't exactly the best time for the change of power.

She didn't know how long she would have. Maybe until the war ended. Maybe until Orb recovered from the damage of this war. Maybe some more years.

But it didn't really matter. She was the head of this country now, and she was going to do her best while she was allowed to be in the position. And after that. She would resign sooner or later, but she wouldn't stop even if she wasn't obligated to work for Orb anymore.

Even if she was deprived of her position, her family name, and her power and authority, even if the people of Orb didn't forgive her, it wouldn't change what she did, her choice. She wasn't doing this because she wanted rewards or to make amends. Not because people expected or asked her to. Not just because she had power and authority, and thus duty. Not just because of her father.

She didn't want to protect Orb because she was a part of the Athha family, the Chief Representative, or the daughter of Uzumi Narah Athha. She was in her position and maintained her status because she wanted to protect Orb. The country where she had grown up. The country where those she cared about lived. The country where she wanted to spend a life with her loved ones. The country—the place where she wanted to be.

This was her own desire, her own dream, and no one could take it away from her.

It wasn't to say she didn't need the Athha name, and the power it gave her. Her father was right. Although asking for too much power was problematic, unreasonably refusing to have power was also foolish.

But her name wasn't the reason she fought. Her feelings were the reason; her name, her power, was a means to fight the battle she had decided she should fight, the battle she wanted to fight.

She wouldn't become a slave to her duties, which was no different from becoming a puppet. She would fulfill her duties as herself, because it was what she wanted to do, how she wanted to live her life.

To live was a bigger fight than to give up and sacrifice your life. And to remain yourself was a bigger fight than to give up and sacrifice yourself, abandon your will, wishes, or happiness. She could see now that it was an essential part of the battle of living. It was more difficult and took a lot of effort, tenacity, and patience, but it was the way she believed in and how she fought.

It was her answer.

Hearing quiet footsteps, she turned her face to find a very familiar figure.

Stopping at her side, Kisaka coolly said, "I took care of it."

She raised an inquiring eyebrow. "Of what?"

He raised a meaningful one. "I made sure no one would spread inappropriate rumors about our Chief Representative and a commander."

She felt her face instantly heat up, remembering there had been an audience when she and Athrun shared a tight hug.

Kisaka continued nonchalantly, "You two better find a private place next time you wanna get touchy-feely."

"It was just a hug. It's not like we did something inappropriate in public," she protested. "And it was a part of the ceremony anyway. He wasn't the only one I hugged."

"Except your hug with him looked more intimate than those with the others."

Her face turning redder, she glared at him.

He wordlessly flustered her a little more before his face and tone turned sober, which she was quite used to. "But seriously, you should be careful. Those who were present in the ceremony are on your side. However, it'll be troublesome if media or someone who doesn't like your relationship—or either of you—gets wind of it. It's not a good time for you to go public. And I can't always look out for you."

"Yeah, I know," she answered, her face and tone similar to his.

Despite his history as a ZAFT soldier, the objection toward Athrun joining the Orb's military had not been strong. Kira and Athrun, or more like the Strike Freedom and the Infinite Justice, were popular among soldiers since they were considered as the key players in the successful defense against ZAFT, along with the Archangel, and herself and the Akatsuki. Not to mention Orb was in urgent need of strong military power and excellent warriors like them.

In addition to the stronger political power she had gained mostly due to the fall of the Sarans, she could expect more support from the military. It would be less difficult for her to govern the country as well as to protect her relationship with Athrun.

However, some people were still skeptical about Athrun's loyalty, especially because of his decision to rejoin ZAFT despite working as an Orb citizen and for Orb at that time. Some other people were showing an unfavorable attitude toward him because of his genetics. Even though military was one of the areas that historically had a high number of Coordinators, it was still not free from discriminations or prejudice toward Coordinators. Let alone the government and the public. Her and Athrun's relationship was a matter that required a careful handling.

She wouldn't make the same mistake. She would be more prudent so that she could protect Athrun and their relationship. So that she could protect both Athrun and Orb. Their relationship had to be kept secret for now.

She didn't like keeping secrets, and it wasn't right that their relationship should be considered wrong only because of his genetics. However, that she said the truth or the right thing—or at least what she believed was right—didn't mean other people would accept her words. Like it had not worked during her attempt to stop the Orb forces. Even though she was actually Cagalli Yula Athha and their Chief Representative, she had not been able to convince them to obey her.

It wasn't to say that her and her comrades' efforts had been meaningless. Dozens of lives had been saved because of the interventions. Some soldiers had still responded to her words, giving his life to protect her or deciding to follow her later. She had been powerless and probably not acting wisely, but they had still trusted her and chosen to support her, for which she was enormously thankful.

Nevertheless, she couldn't deny her strategy had not been sufficient; she had failed to save many of the soldiers. She needed a better strategy than just naively insisting she was telling the truth and asking people to support her cause.

She needed more than that, because she wanted more. She wanted to protect more.

She now understood and accepted it, accepted the reality, which meant figuring out what she was lacking and what she needed to do to make up for it, not telling herself she couldn't do anything and giving up.

Thus, she had opted to talk to Jona sweetly so that he would validate her authority, which was necessary for her to have the power to defend Orb from the ZAFT attack.

There were times when approaching things in a roundabout way could be more effective than doing it head-on. Although she had no intention to become what others wanted her to be, going along with their expectations, playing a role they expected her to, was useful. It didn't have to and shouldn't become who she was, but it was still a weapon she could use to accomplish her goal.

And she was determined to use any means, even those she didn't like, in order to protect. She just needed to have control over it, decide herself when and how to use it instead of letting others tell her that, protect her boundaries.

There wasn't always someone who guided her into a safe path and shielded her from danger. She had to look out for herself and protect herself, maintaining the power to do it. It was ultimately no one's job but her own, and she needed to do the job better. She wasn't a child dependent on someone else for protection anymore.

"I'll talk with him about it when he comes back," she told Kisaka.

He reached out a hand to pat her back, his face reassuring. "It doesn't mean you can't count on me or others, though. We've got your back. You're not alone."

With trustful eyes, she smiled brightly at him. "I know."

Being her own person and protecting herself didn't mean she didn't or shouldn't accept other people's help and protection. There were many things she couldn't do yet. There were many things she couldn't do on her own. She was supported and protected by many people including her father. Not only was his love protecting her heart, his legacy was also protecting her even though he was no longer by her side or in this universe. His and her family name as well.

She shouldn't rely on them too much and should try to establish her own name, to get people to trust her not as an Athha or the daughter of Uzumi Narah Athha but as herself. But she didn't have to reject the benefits her family name or her father's reputation offered to her. They were more than useful and she needed them. She was going to use everything she had in her battle.

And it was all right. She couldn't do everything by herself. No one could live by themselves. She didn't have to fight by herself.

She wasn't alone. She had never been and would never be. There had always been people who cared about her and tried to help her, even when she felt alone. And they would always be there. Even if she lost someone she loved—her father, her boyfriend, her brother, her best friend—there would be other people who loved her, other people she loved. No matter how strong the pain of loss was, or no matter how much she suffered from her mistakes, she could always recover with their help. She could be fine and happy again with them.

She could always find support and love as long as she kept looking. As long as she kept the fire inside her alive.

And it was your belief there was someone trying to reach you and help you claw your way out of the predicament that kept the fire of hope burning, encouraging you to keep your grip.

At the same time, though, she should be careful about whom she relied on. If she trusted a wrong person, the consequence could be disastrous, not just for her but also for Orb. Like it had almost happened with the Sarans.

Believing in someone was one thing, and wanting to believe in someone was another. She had not been exactly aware of it when she took her position. She had wanted trustworthy, reliable allies. Someone who loved Orb as much as she did, someone who believed in Orb's principles like herself, someone who was willing to fight and protect Orb along with her. And the desire had clouded her judgement.

She had believed that the Sarans had the desire and intention to protect Orb and its principles. That the Sarans valued the neutrality of Orb and the equal treatment of Naturals and Coordinators. Like her father, her uncle, the other Representatives who had died during the previous war, and herself. Because they were all from noble families, shouldering the same responsibilities. Because the Sarans said they cared about Orb and appeared to mean it.

She had been ignorant of their differences, which she in fact had had to pay most attention to, and fallen under their control.

She didn't say the Sarans and their supporters had not cared about Orb. They probably had in their own ways. Only what they had tried to protect was different from what she did. How they had wanted Orb to be and how she wanted Orb to be were different. They had wanted different kinds of future for Orb.

Not that she shouldn't have cooperated with them at all. It was the opposite. She should have cooperated with them better, trying to find a way she could make an agreement with them while protecting what she wanted to.

If someone's goal was different from hers, or they weren't a good person even, it didn't mean she couldn't trust them at all. She just needed to figure out how much and when she could trust them, on which point she could expect their support and on which she couldn't.

It had been utterly foolish of her to trust them blindly, especially without trying to know them well. True, the Sarans had deceived her, abused her trust, and manipulated her, which was their fault. But it didn't make her a blameless, helpless victim.

Even if you had not known of someone's wrongdoing, it was still a sin since you were the leader of a country. That was what she had said about her father, and it still stood true. She still believed it, believed that she was at least partially responsible for what the Sarans had done. That what had happened between her and the Sarans was her fault as well as theirs.

It didn't matter she had not known the Sarans' connection with Logos and Blue Cosmos. It didn't matter she had not been aware of their true intention. It didn't matter she had been rather short of time and resources to inquire about them even if she wanted to.

None of it changed any of the facts: she had placed her trust in them, helped them increase their power, and complied with their demands. She was the one who had made those choices, and therefore, had to take responsibility for them. She wouldn't let anyone take it away from her as much as she wouldn't her freedom and independence. As much as she wouldn't take those away from other people.

She believed that there was something she could do in order for herself or Orb not to get into the same situation. That she had the power to at least reduce the risk, the power to protect herself and those she cared about better. That she could use even the mistakes to her advantage.

It seemed the Sarans had believed that other people, like her, would act as they wanted them to. That what had once been effective was still effective even though the situation had changed. They probably had not been so different from her. Their mistakes and her mistakes probably had not been so different. She could and would use both her mistakes and the Sarans' mistakes to make a wiser decision in the future.

She needed to keep it in mind to try to know as much as possible about someone's goals or what kind of person they were. And see beyond them.

Because the opposite was also true. She couldn't trust someone to do what she wanted them to just because they were a good person or shared a goal with her. A good person, a good friend, even someone she loved, or someone who loved her might not be trusted when it came to a specific matter, or might be unable to support her even if they wanted to.

And you couldn't expect someone to fight along with you just because you had the same belief or goal. Everyone had their own principles, their own way. You could still have different ideas on how to follow the belief or accomplish the goal. Convincing them what you said was true or right wasn't necessarily enough.

Some, or even many, of the soldiers who had died at Crete had not agreed with the Sarans' way. But they still had chosen to follow Jona instead of her. Not because they thought Jona was right and she was wrong or believed she was an imposter; but because following orders was their way to protect what they cared about, the way that they believed was right. It had been their principle as a soldier, as a person who had strong power, and they had followed it through even at the cost of their lives. They were as admirable and respectable as those who chose to do what they believed was right even if it meant going against their superiors.

She wouldn't forget what they had taught her. She now knew she should find a better way to cooperate with them, a way she and they could fight together to achieve the shared goal without abandoning their own principles; the knowledge had helped her during the ZAFT attack on Orb. It was thanks to the soldiers who had defied her and admonished her as well as to those who followed her and supported her that she had been able to defend Orb.

Although individual power was important, there was a limit one person could do without help from others or the backing of an institution like country. If you wanted to do more than that, you needed more. Her name and her position didn't mean much without actual power, without the assurance of the country, without the support of other people, and she needed to find a way to have their approval if she wanted the power to govern and protect a country.

And one of the thigs she had to do in order to have it was pay attention to the power she had and to how to use it. Trust was a kind of power, and it needed to be used with caution just like any other kind. Otherwise, it could harm herself, other people, and even the person who received it.

Almost unconsciously, she touched the ring finger of her left hand. There was no ring on it now, but she felt safe and strong as if Athrun's feelings—his true feelings, not those she had imagined—were protecting her even when he wasn't around. The feel of his hug was lingering as if a part of him—of his heart—was still with her.

Looking into his determined and hopeful eyes after the hug, she had felt she could truly and completely trust him, more than ever. Maybe for the first time. The realization had come to her that a part of her had always been worried about his leaving her in one way or another. Even when she had believed, or wanted to believe, that he meant to come back to Orb and to her, she had been afraid he would neglect looking after himself and end up dead.

But now, the worry was gone. It felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from her shoulders. His warm hug and warm eyes had dissipated the cold fear deep down in her heart. The fear that had been there since the time she had given him the Haumea's amulet. The fear that had increased as her feelings for him did. The fear that had been strengthened by his repeated and reckless attempts to risk his life.

Since she was well aware of his tendency to try to sacrifice himself for the greater good, she had not been able to really trust him to take care of himself. She understood and admired his desire and determination to do what he believed was right even at the risk of his life. She knew very well that there were things you couldn't help doing even if it was dangerous, even if it worried or saddened your loved ones.

However, it didn't mean she was fine with his treating his safety so lightly, as if his life meant so little to him, or to anyone. The reason she had given him the protection stone in the first place was that she was worried he wouldn't properly protect himself because of despair.

And it had seemed he had not changed much since then. When they had talked a little ago while he was still in the infirmary, he had even said he kind of wanted to die and found it unfortunate that his condition was well enough, which reminded her of that time.

She had known that his words had not been really serious. He had been more moping than depressed. But still, she had not been able to help feeling anger, dread, and despair while reprimanding him. She had also known he was beating himself up again and feeling dejected due to his past actions. Although his emotional state had seemed to somewhat recover as his body did, she had not been able to believe that he was all right now. That he wouldn't be eager to sacrifice his life to end the war again, in an attempt to make amends for what he had done or to stop someone he had once trusted and supported.

She had thought that he had started to treat himself better when he chose to live two years ago. That he had made the choice because he cherished his life. Considering his actions and words since then, especially since the time of the fall of Junius Seven until now, however, it had seemed she had been mistaken. Or at least it had felt like he didn't value his life as much as she would like.

The fact she couldn't go with him to watch out for him this time had further strengthened her fear, to the extent she avoided facing him lest she lose the demeanor appropriate for the Chief Representative. Plus, she had not really known what to say, whether there was something she could say to make him take better care of himself if all the words she had given him so far had been ineffective.

Asking the red-haired girl to take care of him, the only thing she had felt she could do now to protect his life, had somewhat eased her worry. But it wasn't until he hugged her that she had been able to be truly relieved.

The hug had told her that now he could look after himself. That he would try to stay alive even if someone wasn't by his side taking care of him, reminding him to protect himself. He was stronger than she had thought.

And more accepting of her. He had accepted her entirely, including her devotion to Orb, and would keep fighting along with her for Orb, for the dream they shared—not just her dream.

Before this war, she had not understood much what it meant to him to be at her side, to be with her. She had taken his understanding and support for granted, not doubting he would accept her putting Orb first and fight for Orb together with her, which was a great mistake. She had overlooked how much dissatisfaction he actually had about the situation, about her being unable to choose him over Orb. About the life and future they would have as long as she was an Athha.

Just because he loved her and wanted to protect her, it didn't guarantee he could love Orb as well or was willing to fight for Orb. Just because they loved each other and wanted a life together, it didn't mean that the lives and futures they wanted were the same. That their dreams, what they wished for, were the same. That they could keep fighting together for the same dream for the rest of their lives.

Yet, she had been oblivious to it, and not taken time to consider whether they really could be happy together. Which was partly why she had not been able to see what he put into the ring was different from what she thought was, see the real reason he had given her the ring: his wish that she would choose to be with him even if it meant giving up protecting Orb.

Now she understood the life she wanted wasn't exactly the one he wanted—or at least the one he had wanted—and yet he was still willing to accept the frustration and troubles that kind of life caused him, because he wanted to be with her. He loved her and wanted a life with her that much.

The understanding made her truly appreciate him, appreciate the effort he made to be with her. It made her feel grateful, fortunate, and more than anything, happy. She was blissful, knowing how much he loved her. And her resolve to fight for her happiness, for their happiness, had grown stronger with every moment that passed since. As if his love and acceptance were stoking the fire within her.

She would tightly hold onto her happiness, not just for her own sake, but also for the sake of him and the others—including her father who was watching over her from the land of the dead—who loved her and wished for her happiness. She would become happy, and make Athrun happy.

She hoped he had understood at least part of how much his understanding and acceptance, his choice to stay with her, meant to her when she hugged him back. She wished she could have told that to him in words. But she had been choked with emotion during the hug, and there had not been enough time for them to talk after that.

Come to think of it, she shouldn't have avoided talking to him about their relationship before the ceremony. But she had been too afraid of finding out about his choice, nearly sure that he couldn't be with her anymore, which was another reason she avoided facing him. Although she had known the act of cowardice might hurt him and hated acting like that, she had still not been able to help it. The cowardice was a part of her after all. And he had accepted even that.

Anyway, what was past was past. She had not been able to talk with him, but she would be able to when he came back. There would be plenty of time for them to.

 _S_ _o come back safe, okay_ _?_ She looked up at the sky once more.

She had many things she wanted to tell him. And she knew that he would be there to listen, and say what he wanted to tell her in return. That he would come back to talk with her.

Well, she was of course aware that his trying to survive the coming battle didn't mean he certainly would. It was possible he still couldn't make it despite his effort. But she knew he would fight his hardest and do everything he could to come back to her.

And that was enough. That was the best she, or anyone for that matter, could ask for; the knowledge was enough for her to maintain the belief they could reach the tomorrow they both wanted to have.

He was probably worried about her, too. He was a worrywart. But she knew he also trusted her. She had felt he knew her determination as much as she did his.

They both wouldn't give up. They would keep living and fighting together, protecting and supporting each other. Even when they weren't by each other's side. No matter how tough the battle was. No matter how hopeless it seemed. They would fight through until they reached the day they could be openly together. No matter how dark it got, she wouldn't stop believing in the daybreak.

And they would make their dream come true. Surely. She wasn't alone. They weren't alone.

She briefly closed her eyes and clasped her hands before her chest to pray to Haumea for safety for him and her other comrades again. It would probably become her habit until this war ended and they came home safely. It was the only thing she could do now to protect their lives, which was still a sad thing to think about. But she didn't shed any more tears.

They were still in a dark time. There was still a war going on. Orb was still in danger of being attacked. The world was still in turmoil. There were many hurdles she needed to overcome both at work and in private.

However, now she could see hope.

Along with other things she had not been able to, which seemed many indeed.

The thought reminded her of the lecture she had received lots of times: she tended to be single-minded, focusing too much on the matter at hand and overlooking other things.

Pursing her lips at the memories, she looked up at the man next to her, who was one of those that had reprimanded her about it.

"Hey, Kisaka." She waited until she had the man's full attention, firmly held his gaze, and said with sincerity, "Thank you for helping me."

It had just occurred to her that she had never properly thanked him even though he was always there supporting and protecting her.

She had not even realized how much support and protection she had been receiving until recently. She had been too used to someone looking after her without her asking them to, and taken it for granted. She had not been able to truly appreciate their help, both the help given because of love and the help given because of her family or her father. It seemed she had been such an ignorant child.

But now she was aware of her ignorance, which was a good thing. No one could know everything perfectly from the beginning, after all. When you came to realize what you had not known, though, you could try to learn and become more knowledgeable and mindful.

And the realization made her grateful that there were so many people who cared about her in her life, and proud that she had such an esteemed family name and a respected father. She was going to do her best to live up to them, to the faith people put in her and the support people gave her whatever the reason was. She was going to become a person they could be proud of having helped and supported, a person who deserved their trust and respect. Because she wanted to.

She straightened up further. There was so much on her back. The lives lost. The wishes they had entrusted her with. The flames that had burned Orb. Her duties and responsibilities. People's expectations for her. And their trust, support, and love.

Those were heavy loads hardly easy to bear, but they anchored her and urged her on. She wasn't by herself. She wasn't fighting for only herself. She had so many things, so many people to protect. So many she loved.

She felt powerful and fortunate once again.

Kisaka simply gave her a smile before tousling her hair as he sometimes had when she was younger, which made her both pout and smile.

She playfully swatted his arm before starting to walk toward a car waiting for them, looking over her shoulder at him. "Come on. Let's hurry. There are many things to deal with!"

As he began to follow her, he saluted with his lips quirked in a smile. "Yes, Chief Representative Athha."

Smiling at the title, she continued walking, her head held high, her steps confident, and her eyes looking forward.

She wasn't the daughter of the Chief Representative anymore. She wasn't just the daughter of the Lion of Orb anymore.

She was Cagalli Yula Athha, the daughter of Uzumi Narah Athha, the greatest man she had ever known and the greatest father in the universe.

She was the Chief Representative of Orb now. She was going to be the Lioness of Orb.

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 **The End**

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 **A/N** : I'm seriously wondering how come many fics of mine have managed to end up much longer than I expected it to be.

But anyway, the last part is actually closely related to "The Ring." I still tried to make it understandable without reading the fic, though Cagalli's (and Athrun's) sentiments on the ring may be still confusing.

You may have been confused as well about their kiss in GS. The scene in the remastered version is quite different from that in the original version, and this fic is based on the remastered version.

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I see Cagalli as a person who can be quite strong when she has her friends and loved ones around, or at least her allies and supporters, but can be quite weak when alone. My understanding is that she doesn't have much tolerance for isolation; it's one of the factors which caused her to give in to the demands of the Sarans.

After all, she has probably had a sheltered life, almost always surrounded by bodyguards and servants. She may not appear so with what she did in GS: rebelling against her father, leaving her home, and joining a resistance group. But even then, a bodyguard was by her side. She was still in the hands of her father, protected by him (and Kisaka, of course).

I think that's mostly why she is very trusting, which is her strength, and naive, which is her weakness. Her story in GSD seems to me to be mainly about trust.

That may also be partly why she is so open and adaptable. As stubborn as she is, she listens to others, learns from them, and is willing to change and grow. It's one of her strongest points, though it can be a weak point when she can't be stubborn enough.

She seems to be a quite fair person, too. Not to mention brave. She doesn't put the blame on only herself or only others, both of which are usually an unfair thing to do. For example, when she talked with Jona during the ZAFT attack on Orb, she acknowledged both herself and the Sarans were at fault. Blaming yourself and blaming others are both difficult in different ways. But it's important to accept both what you did wrong and what others did wrong (and what either of you did right as well) and learn from them if you really want to avoid the same thing happening again. And she faced up to the tough task instead of trying to escape from it. I admire and love her for it.

I hope I've depicted her like that in my fics.

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It's probably better to explain about Cagalli being called Princess. As far as I know, she isn't officially a princess; Princess is a very official nickname for her rather than a title.

I'm not sure why she is called that. There are several possibilities: because of her father having been the Chief Representative; because of her being an Athha; because of her being a member of one of the five noblest families.

I decided the first one was most likely, considering her dislike for the nickname especially in GSD. She asked Dullindal not to use the nickname. But she was doing her job as the Chief Representative then, and from what I've read, she is eligible for the position because she is an Athha, a member of one of the five noblest families. Then, her reaction doesn't seem to make much sense if the nickname comes from her family name or nobility.

Oh, and I also want to note this fic is somewhat influenced by Cagalli's songs: "Akatsuki no Kuruma (Wheel of Dawn)" and "Honoo no Tobira (Gate of Flames)."

Thank you very much for reading such a long fic and a long note. I also thank those who have written a review of my other fics.

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